


When You've Got Your Eyes Closed

by GhostGrantaire



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 17:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10701285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostGrantaire/pseuds/GhostGrantaire
Summary: Steve took another deep breath and pushed himself off the wall, looking around at the destruction when a shaky, pained gasp caught his ear and he spun towards the noise.





	When You've Got Your Eyes Closed

**Author's Note:**

> For The Writers Guild Death Day :) Please keep the warnings in mind, this is not a happy fic.  
> Title comes from Organs, by Of Monsters and Men: "I am sorry this is how it always goes, the wind blows loudest when you've got your eyes closed..."

“Does everyone know the plan?” Nancy asked, a determined expression on her face as she looked between them, eyes hovering longer on Steve.

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, Nance, I know what I’m doing. We get whatever the first creature is out of the way first and then focus on the real monster. Lure it into the house, trap in in the back room, and light it up. Just like always.” He relayed the information casually, as if talking about directions to the store.

Nancy frowned at him, looking concerned. “We’ve only done this twice before, you know. We’re hardly experts.”

“Considering the amount of people who have experience in this field, we actually might qualify as experts,” Jonathan muttered quietly, and Steve grinned approvingly at him. Nancy huffed a laugh and rolled her eyes.

“Alright as long as we stick to the plan, we’ll be fine.” Nancy said decisively, casting Steve one more look. They all nodded, and together they started to make their way towards the cabin. They walked slowly, none of them exactly eager to face whatever was hiding in those rooms.

They were still several yards from their destination when Steve slipped on a slick spot of grass, barely avoiding turning his ankle painfully. Jonathan grabbed him by the sleeve immediately, pulling him upright again. Steve let out a breath as he steadied himself, the other two throwing him relieved yet exasperated looks.

“Be careful, Steve,” Nancy said, as if it needed saying. Steve smirked at her.

“Too scared to hold my hand now?” Steve teased, glancing down at the hand which was still holding his sleeve tightly. Jonathan blinked and blushed slightly, which Steve expected, but after a second his hand slipped down and laced their fingers together, which Steve had definitely not expected. Steve stared at him for a moment before squeezing his hand and letting a smile creep onto his face before they picked up their pace again.

“Speaking of plans,” Steve spoke up as they walked, shivering from the cold air. The other two glanced at him, but he kept his eyes ahead. “Why don’t we make some?”

“What?” Jonathan asked after a pause, sounding utterly lost.

“We should do something. The three of us. We could drive to the city or something, catch a movie. Get some dinner.” He kept his voice carefully neutral as he spoke, but he could feel their intense gazes on him.

“Like a date?” Nancy asked quietly.

“Yeah. Like a date,” Steve clarified. They’d never talked about this before, not really, but he figured it needed to be said, and he was feeling brave, especially now that he was holding Jonathan’s hand.

“Okay,” Jonathan muttered after a second, squeezing his hand.

“Okay,” Nancy repeated, a smile in her voice, and Steve broke out into a large grin.

A large roar sounded out from the distance, and he pushed the thoughts of his mind as they looked at each other before running towards it.

**********

The plan worked well, just like Steve expected it to. Of course he’d taken some artistic licenses with the details, but still. Job well done, he reflected as he waited for the fire to die down.

He coughed, feeling the smoke fill up his lungs. His eyes were burning but he kept them open, on high alert for any signs of movement from the back room. As soon as the air was clear enough, he stuck his head inside, letting out a long breath of relief as he saw the scattered parts of the monster. He grinned, completely out of breath, and leaned against the doorframe to steady himself. They’d done it. Three for three– they had to be experts by now.

The room was quiet, and Steve spared a thought for Nancy, who’d run after the smaller monster to finish it off after they’d badly injured it. He wasn’t really worried about her– he’d seen her handle much worse. She’d be back soon.

Steve took another deep breath and pushed himself off the wall, looking around at the destruction when a shaky, pained gasp caught his ear and he spun towards the noise.

Jonathan was slouched against the corner of the room, head lolled to the side like he was seconds from falling asleep. Steve frowned at him, taking a hesitant step towards him when he spotted the blooming stain of black against his dark shirt. He suddenly remembered a moment earlier when the monster had grabbed Jonathan before throwing him across the room just as Steve stepped in. He’d been too preoccupied to check on him, and had just assumed he was fine.

Jonathan swayed, and Steve dropped the baseball bat, running to catch him just as his legs crumpled underneath him and he fell to the floor.

He barely managed to keep Jonathan from slamming to the floor, his legs folding underneath him as he lowered the boy to the ground. “Jon, hey, Jonathan,” he repeated the name like a mantra. Jonathan was breathing quick, shallow gasps, and his eyes looked unfocused and dim.

“NANCY!” Steve yelled, looking around wildly. He didn’t know where she’d gone, but he’d never felt more lost without her. The other teenager was shaking in his arms, and Steve brushed his hair out of his face, making sure Jonathan met his eyes.

“It’s not that bad, man, come on just take a deep breath,” Steve assured him with an unsteady smile. He reached out gingerly for Jonathan’s shirt and pulled it up slowly, biting his lip as it stuck to his skin. He swallowed hard, feeling bile rise in his throat as he saw the wound. Holy shit, that was a lot of blood.

He lowered the fabric down quickly, pulling his bloodstained hand back. Jonathan was watching him carefully, breathing quickly, and Steve tried to smile.

“Steve–” Jonathan started, shaking his head. He broke off, a look of complete agony falling over his features and Steve grasped his hand tightly.

“It’s not that bad,” he repeated, though it didn’t sound convincing in the slightest. “What is it you always tell me? Don’t be so dramatic?”

Jonathan eyes fluttered shut, and Steve felt panic course through his blood. With the hand that wasn’t grasping Jonathan’s, he reached out and tapped the boy’s cheek to wake him up again. “Hey, you can’t do that, okay? Keep your eyes on me.”

Jonathan’s eyes opened weakly, and Steve inhaled sharply when he saw the tears lying there.

“Nancy will be here soon, and we’ll get you patched up in no time. Just stay awake for a bit longer, okay?” Steve basically pleaded, but Jonathan wasn’t listening.

“Steve, I can’t…” Jonathan broke off into a terrible coughing fit and Steve held him closer. “I can’t feel my legs.”

Steve felt terror run through his body at the words, but he tried to not let it show on his face. He shook his head. “You’re just overwhelmed, man. Overwhelmed and exhausted. That doesn’t mean anything. Come on, just lie down. We’ll get you help soon, okay?”

He tried to help Jonathan adjust to a more comfortable position, but the injured teen let out a sudden cry at the movement, making Steve’s blood run cold. Jonathan gripped at Steve’s shirt sleeve with his free hand.

“Steve, don’t–” Jonathan broke off, blinking hard like he was trying to focus on his words. Steve didn’t make a sound, hanging on every word. “Don’t let Will see. He’ll get scared.”

“Shut up, Jonathan,” Steve responded. He couldn’t deal with this, he couldn’t do this. Where the fuck was Nancy? “You’re gonna be fine, and you can talk to your brother and everything will be fine. He’ll be here soon, just hang on.”

“Promise you won’t let him see–” Jonathan continued to insist, his words slurring slightly and Steve met his eyes sharply.

“You’re not fucking dying, Byers,” he insisted, a violent edge to his voice. He felt Jonathan tense and tried his best to take a deep breath. 

“Jonathan, come on, if you die, Nancy will kill us both.” Steve laughed, though it sounded more like a sob. Jonathan didn’t reply, beginning to shake in Steve’s arms. He was getting colder, and Steve could feel a bit of his blood seep into the fabric of his jeans. He didn’t dare look at it, knowing he’d be sick if he saw it again.

“Besides we’ve got stuff to do, right? I still have to take you and Nancy out on that date, remember? We were going to go to the city, the three of us. I’m driving. Not as much fun if you’re unconscious, is it?” Steve asked, keeping his eyes firmly on Jonathan’s.

Jonathan huffed quietly, but his eyes were growing blurred and unfocused. “You’re a terrible driver,” he muttered, and Steve let out a harsh laugh.

“Yeah, well,” he answered back, grasping at straws. He felt like he was drowning and gasping desperately for air that just wouldn’t come to him. “Come on, we’ll play your tapes. Anything you want.”

“Even the Smiths?” Jonathan asked, his eyelids fluttering shut.

“Yeah, yeah, even the Smiths,” Steve replied rapidly, shaking Jonathan gently. He didn’t stop until Jonathan opened his eyes again. “I’ll even sing along. They’re not that bad.”

“You’re a fucking liar, Harrington,” Jonathan mumbled, another shudder running through his body.

Steve stared down at him, watching as Jonathan cringed and winced continuously, his hands shaking dangerously. This was wrong, wrong, wrong. He already looked too weak, too soft, no signs of that classic Jonathan Byers harsh wit.

“Steve? Jonath–” Nancy’s voice rang out behind him along with the slamming of a door, but cut off abruptly. Steve didn’t look back at her, unable to look away from Jonathan, but the other boy’s eyes drifted to her, and he smiled weakly.

“Nancy,” he breathed out. Steve heard Nancy rush towards them, collapsing on Jonathan’s other side, and he watched her scan the injuries in a frenzied rush. Their eyes met. Steve wasn’t sure what expression he was making, but judging by the look of horror that fell over Nancy’s features, it wasn’t good.

“Is it gone?” Jonathan asked weakly, reaching out for Nancy. Nancy grasped his hand in hers, pulling it to her.

“Yes, it’s gone. Everything’s fine now, we’re fine,” she answered back, but her voice wavered. Jonathan nodded, biting his lip in pain.

“We need to get you to a hospital,” Nancy spoke up, looking like she was ready to get to her feet, but Jonathan widened his eyes and he pulled her hand to him, shaking his head. Nancy looked at him desperately, and Steve could see the denial in her eyes. “Jonathan, don’t be stupid, you need–”

“Please don’t leave,” Jonathan whispered, tears escaping his eyes. He looked terrified and Steve felt the emotion wash over him as well.

A few tears escaped Nancy’s eyes. When she spoke again, Steve could tell she was barely keeping it together. “I’ll come right back though, I just need to get to a phone–”

“Nancy, you know… you know I won’t–” Jonathan didn’t finish, but the end of the sentence rang out loudly in Steve’s mind. He watched Nancy intently, spotting the exact moment her resolve broke. She let out a loud sob, her shoulders slumping as she gripped Jonathan’s hands with both of her own.

“Nancy… I think I loved you from the moment I met you,” Jonathan admitted suddenly, and Nancy broke out into a wide smile, though her tears didn’t stop.

“I love you too,” she replied without missing a beat. “I love you Jonathan Byers.”

Jonathan did his best to smile at her, and Steve watched breathless as she pressed her lips to his chastely before leaning their foreheads together.

It was all here. Everything Steve had wanted for so long was right here at his fingertips, and it was fading before his eyes. He let out a shaky breath that was on the cusp of being a sob, and Jonathan’s bright eyes flicked to him.

“And Steve, I– you know I…” he faded off, shaking slightly, and Steve smiled tightly at him.

“Me too,” he assured him, the words feeling like an enormous weight had just been lifted off his chest. He still couldn’t say it, and he cursed himself internally for his cowardice, but Jonathan smiled at him with so much happiness that Steve couldn’t stay angry at himself for long.

The blond squeezed his hand weakly. “I’m sorry it took so long.”

“Don’t ever apologize to me, Byers.” Steve asked with a fond shake of his head, wiping a tear off of Jonathan’s cheek, only for more to replace it. “None of that was your fault.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Nancy whispered, still gripping Jonathan’s other hand tightly. She glanced up at Steve, an intense look in her eyes before glancing back down at Jonathan. “None of that matters because we’re here. We’re here, we’re together now, aren’t we?”

Jonathan smiled at that, but a shiver racked through his body and he gripped them tighter. “I don’t want to be alone,” he admitted with a sob, and Steve felt a new wave of tears spill over onto his cheeks. He pressed a desperate kiss to the back of Jonathan’s hand.

“We’re not going anywhere,” Nancy promised. She was still smiling at him, but her face was covered in tears, and she looked like she was in pain.

Looking back, Steve honestly couldn’t be sure if they held onto each other for five minutes or five hours. It wasn’t until a voice from outside caught their attention, and Jonathan tilted his head towards the sound. “Mom,” he mumbled, voice breaking into a sob.

Steve suddenly remembered that they’d told Hopper and Joyce to meet them as soon as they could, after they’d finished dealing with their own parts of the situation. He barely had time to react before Joyce Byers pushed through the door, eyes finding her oldest son immediately. She let out a loud sob and collapsed beside him.

Steve moved away immediately, pushing himself to his feet to move out of her way. As he stood, he felt suddenly dizzy, and he stumbled back towards the wall, leaning against it for support. Jonathan’s hand, which had been clutching Steve’s tightly, fell back to the floor, and Steve felt instantly colder. He stared down at his empty palm, suddenly realizing with terrible clarity that that was going to be the last time he’d ever hold Jonathan Byers’ hand.

He felt like he was dreaming as he watched Joyce embrace her son. Her eyes were bright as she smiled weakly down at him, and he faintly heard what she was muttering. She was proud of him. She loved him. She wasn’t going anywhere.

Distantly, he felt Nancy walk to him and lean against him for support. He wrapped his arms around her, breathing in tandem with her, but he kept his gaze on the Byers. 

And then Steve watched as Jonathan’s brown eyes fluttered shut and Joyce’s words gave way to desperate sobbing. 

He felt Nancy let out a loud cry and she broke away from him, steadying herself against the wall, but he only had eyes for Jonathan. Joyce pressed desperate kisses to her son’s forehead, cheeks, eyelids, cradling him close as his hand fell limp beside him.

He closed his eyes. This wasn’t something he should be watching. This wasn’t for him. He slid down the wall, his legs giving out easily beneath him, and stayed there until the sound of sirens echoed from outside. 

********

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when a commotion from outside caused him to open his eyes. He met Nancy’s eyes which were red and puffy from tears and she let out another sob as she listened to the voices outside.

“Will,” she said in lieu of an explanation, and Steve felt like someone had dropped a brick on his chest.

He had to do this. For Jonathan. He’d promised, in his own way.

Shaking alarmingly, he attempted to push himself up to his feet, slipping a couple of times before finding his balance. He kept his eyes fixed firmly on the door as he walked, not daring to look back at Joyce, who hadn’t moved since Steve had shut his eyes.

He pushed the door open, his body moving on autopilot as he walked outside towards the scene. His eyes fell immediately on Hopper, who was holding Will steady as he spoke to him calmly. Will looked furious, breathing heavily as he shouted at the man.

“Just tell me what’s going on! I want to see–” Will’s eyes darted towards Steve, and he froze before calling out, breaking out of Hopper’s hold. The chief stood up straight, placing a strong hand on Will’s shoulder to steady him. “Steve! Where’s Jonathan?”

Steve felt his mouth go dry as he looked at the younger boy. He knew he needed to respond, but Will’s brown eyes were so bright and familiar and Steve suddenly found himself at a loss for words. He took a deep breath and shook his head subtly, struggling for an explanation.

Will’s eyes flicked down to Steve’s shirt. He glanced down, a wave of nausea flooding over him as he saw the dark red covering the pastel shirt he’d been wearing. He looked back up to see a look of pure horror fall onto the boy’s face.

Will looked back at the door, and Steve could see his mind whirring at a million miles per hour. Suddenly the kid pushed Hopper away violently and began sprinting towards the door. Steve reacted without thinking, catching the boy in a tight hold and pulling him into a tight embrace.

“Don’t, Will, don’t,” he insisted, feeling tears fall from his eyes. Will was sobbing, hitting and kicking Steve with all his might. “He doesn’t– he didn’t want you to see. Please.”

“Let me go, you asshole, let me go! I want to see Jonathan, I want to see my brother…” Will cried, his voice high and broken. For a moment, the desperation in Will’s voice made Steve consider letting go… but then the look of Jonathan’s still, cold body jumped into his mind, and he knew Jonathan had been right. He held Will tighter.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” Steve muttered, not letting go. His eyes were blurry with tears, but he could see the other kids in the distance. Max, Dustin, and Lucas were all embracing each other, looking incredibly lost and unsure. El had tears streaming down her face, and Mike was staring at horror. From the corner of his eye, Steve saw Nancy exit the house, and his heart ached as he watched Mike run to embrace his sister tightly.

Slowly, Will’s punches became weaker and he leaned against Steve’s chest, sobbing into his shirt. Steve held him tighter, swaying back and forth unsteadily.

Nobody moved for what felt like hours, and the sun set slowly in the woods behind them. He let his eyes flutter shut, still embracing the youngest– the only– Byers son tightly. The wind whipped loudly around his ears, and if he tried hard enough, he could hear Jonathan’s laugh. He kept his eyes closed, focusing on the sound intently, and allowed himself to dream.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry... send complaints to my [tumblr](http://www.ghost-grantaire.tumblr.com) :)


End file.
